fake Love

you will know when your love is fake, you can not afford to pretend to love or hate, one way or the other things begin to show up which side you belong.Honesty is the only weapon to deal with fake love

Many tips on love…. read this if you love him/her

Healthy Relationships:

Real love involves making decisions together — not making decisions for the other person, or allowing them to be made for you. In such a relationship, partners choose their path together. While remaining independent people, they seek out each other’s agreement on choices that affect them both.

When they don’t agree, they communicate and explore ways to find agreement. This is a challenging part of a healthy relationship, involving maturity, patience, and a willingness to learn. When couples commit to discussing and wrestling with their hopes and fears, wants and needs, they commit to a deeper love that can make them both better people.there are pepole who are afraid to talk what they want to do in life. I dont want to look stupid in his eyes ,I dont want to look like I dont know , so they resit in being silent. But this is adisaster in making because everything that comes out of that decision is ashared responsibilty and many they fear to partake that negative resuits by not contributing to the development of there future marriege.its so sad to see two month in marrige there re disagreements because they over looked  aproblem  while in the relationship.

there are men and women where money become an issue to deal with when they were used to dowhat they want and when they come into a relationship they need to disclose every bit of there privancy , to some it bacomes ahuge blow but thus when trust comes in.if you  can not allow you mate to get your keys to your bedroom then you must have been hding somethingt hat you dont want him/her to see.

A relationship that is built on fear and doubt builds nothing but envy and you turn from loving to control the person’s everyday life.In other words they stop living their life , you want them to do as you say for you dont trust them to do there on way,think ,do live their free life. I dont mean when you are in a relationship you have to live reckless life nooooo, you need to know that what you decide as  two of you make up something that you will be pround or not but there has to be ashared responsbility. other wise you may end up being in control mistaking it with love, read more

Love vs. Control

Some people mistake love for controlling another person, or letting that person control you. We’re not talking about the “power exchanges” that some couples engage in as part of sex play, but about handing over the keys to your life to another person in the name of love. This is the first step toward a possible abusive relationship.
It’s not love if:
— Your partner is jealous and suspicious of your everyday activities.
— Your partner tries to isolate you from friends and family.
— Your partner demeans you and tries to persuade you that you aren’t capable of running your life for yourself.
— Your partner starts a fight, and then accuses you of provoking it.
— Your partner belittles you or makes offensive jokes in front of you.
— Your partner tells you what to wear, when you know what you want.

–buying what they like and love than what you want and love
— You feel like you have to “walk on eggshells,” suppressing your own needs and feelings to avoid your partner’s anger. –What you say matterless to what they say.they can do the same thing to you and matterless and you do the same thing to them its an issue.

—Capitalising on things that matterless to your conflict resolutions.

— They find it hard to addimit they have made amistake ,or they cant say sorry,worse still they dont take sorry for an answer when you say it to them—they dont have diction of words when they want to talk to you . they can say what they want without caring how  they would have felit if you are to say the same words to them.

These behaviors are not love. They are emotional abuse, and can be part of a pattern of violence. If you recognize your partner here, you need to get help or get out, or both. It is not possible to have a healthy relationship with a controlling partner.

 Equality:

Real love happens between equals. Neither partner is considered inferior or superior, though you may assume different roles. Your wants, needs and fears are no more or less important, though they may at times be more or less urgent, than those of your partner. You both deserve time, energy, and resources.

That doesn’t mean everything has to be 50-50. If you work from home in jeans, while your partner’s job requires a professional appearance every day, it’s only natural that one of you will spend less on clothing. If you love gardening and stay-at-home hobbies while your partner likes going out to parties, it’s reasonable to compromise on plans that include some of each.

If you’re noticing problems with equality in your relationship, start by cleaning up your side of the street. Are there ways in which you aren’t treating your partner as an equal? Without trying to change your partner’s behavior, act in an equal and positive way. In a secure attachment, partners show love by each other not as divine beings on pedestals, nor as playtoys to be used and thrown away, but as equals, capable of independent feelings and choices.

bacause if you are not careful enough you will find out that you develop Lust than Love and these are the signs of them

Love vs. Lust:

Love is the foundation of families and stable societies. Lust is a physical emotion that we act upon in the “heat of the moment.” Yet few among us would fall in love with someone who didn’t turn us on, and that can lead to problems when one or both of you gets mixed up about the difference between love and lust.
— If you only want to be with this person to have sex, it’s lust.
— If you try to describe your date to a friend and can only talk about physical appearance and body parts, that’s lust.
— If you don’t call or converse with this person except when you want physical pleasure, that’s lust.
— If you lie to someone in order to get into bed with him or her, that’s lust.
— And, naturally, if your partner does any of these things to you, that’s lust too.

It’s possible for an affair based purely on lust to develop into a healthy relationship based on love, but it doesn’t happen all that often. You may be better off spending your time with someone who sees and appreciates you with clothes on than to thank you when you so sex.Save it for marriege for Gods sake anthuni pilizi.

mostly it happens when they is amis conception of Idea of  you  being afriend  as you get along you find you are attracted to that friend there:

Love vs. Friendship:

Most people have heard it or said it at one time or another: “I hope we can be friends.” Spoken by someone you wanted as more-than-a-friend, it can be pretty painful to hear.
It’s often hard to tell the difference between friendship and feelings of romance. You might like another person, enjoy spending time together, enjoy doing a lot of the same things. A couple of clues:
— If you don’t feel any sexual attraction, not even the tiniest bit, don’t go along with dating someone just because the other person wants it. Sooner or later you’ll find yourself delivering the “friends” line.
— If you don’t like the way this person has treated past partners, and you don’t want to be treated the same way, keep it a platonic relationship, I strongly feel that you you do know and you have  noitce achnage in the person then you have to be careful enough in allowing that person clip in you life.hear you r heart than your mind on this one. 
— If you find yourself developing romantic feelings for a friend, try to get a sense of whether your interest is reciprocated. If it isn’t, either back off on the friendship or try to move beyond those feelings — but don’t blame your friend for not feeling the same things you do. if you go beyond thes line watch your step on how to deal with anything t hat comes.most people they mistaken the love and in factuation that they get from their partiners so read on to find out:

Love vs. Infatuation:

It’s normal to be full of joy in the early stages of a relationship. You walk with a spring in your step, often with a goofy smile.
There’s a danger of mixing up love with infatuation, though. “Love at first sight” is infatuation. Real love comes with knowing someone and caring for one another over time.
Does this person care for you — not just with words, but with actions? Does your partner make time for you, consider your plans, encourage your goals? If the answer to these questions is “yes,” it must be love. If not, you need to spend time together learning to love one another.
Infatuation is perhaps most troubling when it is one-sided. At best, someone’s feelings are going to get hurt.
Another troubling kind of infatuation takes place when one of the parties is married to someone else. Instead of solving the problems in the marriage or in his or her own life, the married partner may decide an extramarital affair looks like the perfect escape.

Often, an infatuation runs its course in six months or less. After that, Mr. Right’s cigars smell bad and Ms. Perfect’s habit of correcting her partner’s pronunciation starts to grate. At this stage, someone who’s cast aside an old partner may start to experience remorse and want to try again or someone may turn to online cheating to meet someone new.

show you legs you are done theory:

Love vs. Loneliness:

it is ok to be loney because you are single but  you can even be lonely when you have you partiner with you because you are not met to be together.Having money is no the end of what love needs.Happiness is what you want to achieve at the end of the day,and money sustains that happiness,or the other way is true yet dont forget that if you need to be with someonejust because you feel they are alone you are doing harm than good.its better you feel ok with yourslf first.dont make the other person close the gap fro you , otherwise when they leave you that gap is there still so deal with it before someone come in andeal with it in an abusive way.

If you’ve been on your own for a while, it may seem like it’s impossible to find a partner. You may feel miserable and unworthy.

Then when someone does come along, it’s easy to overlook red flags because you’re so happy not to be lonely any more! This, of course, can lead you down the road to more unhappiness.

The cure for this is to treat your “dry spells” as opportunities to build a more fulfilling life. Instead of sitting home read,datings sites, find things to do that get you out of the house and around other people — things that help broaden your horizons and make you a more interesting person.

Anyone who’s been dating  for a while knows about the needy-puppy phenomenon — people who are so desperate for any kind of relationship that they make themselves a nuisance to potential partners and thus wind up dealing with more rejection.

Give yourself the gift of a fulfilling and fascinating single life. And don’t settle for anyone who’s just looking for the right set of body parts — it’s worth waiting for someone who appreciates you as a whole person and is capable of forming a secure attachments

 Freely Giving and Freely Receiving

Couples in healthy relationships give freely to one another — not because they feel they owe anything, but out of consideration and fondness.

There’s a big difference, though, between giving freely and becoming a doormat or codependent. Giving freely means you have enough — time, energy, money — for yourself and some to spare for your partner.

The flip side to this is receiving freely. That means you can set boundaries on what gifts you do and do not wish to accept. If you’re building a bookcase, and your partner wants to help, you’re free to say “no, thank you, I’d rather do it myself.” If a gift is freely given and freely received, no one needs to feel guilt or resentment.

Freely giving and receiving means “keeping short accounts,” dealing with issues within a reasonable time. If you’re no longer comfortable with supporting your partner’s drunken nights out with friends, start a conversation rather than letting anger fester.

It takes strength and honesty to say “I’m sorry, that won’t work for me” or “Thank you, but I’d really rather you didn’t.” Drawing these boundaries gives you both the comfort of knowing that gifts given are really gifts, with no strings or expectations attached.

The Way to Find Love is to Be Lovable

finding love involves a kind of magic. No, we’re not talking about burning a black candle over a copy of your personals ad. The magic is building up that “certain something” that will get you noticed.
Some of this, of course, is the kind of relationship advice you’ve read before to find love: take care of your personal hygiene, wear attractive and flattering clothes, choose an appealing photo for your online profile. But if you haven’t done the magic part, most of your new relationships won’t go far.
So what’s the secret to finding love? Happiness. People are drawn to those who are happy and confident. Instead of spending your evenings browsing the personals, build the kind of life you’ve always wanted. 

Don’t wait to meet the right woman or man to take up painting or traveling or fly fishing, if those things will make you happy. Set some new goals — earning a master’s, running a marathon, learning to cook — and work toward achieving them. If you need help getting past old hurts and becoming someone who can truly love another, find a counselor. One of the greatest pieces of is to find true love  be someone who’s lovable, happy, and confident.

feel goo for yourself. someone told me this riddle that: be in the holiday  long enough for them to know that they cant do without you but not too long for them to realise that they can do without you.

You can be single but not too long enough set goal while single have life share with anyone who comein your life. dont pass what you went through with past relationship to the one who deserve to be love and loving you.

if you are blessed comment on this

God bless you all readers

You Are About To Discover The Ultra Rare Secrets That Most Women Will Never Know About Men…I Will Show You How To Mesmerize Any Man, Get Him Addicted To You & Keep Him Around As Long As YOU Want Him

Get ready to learn exactly what to say and do with men which will make them feel an amazing connection with you to an extent where they would be literally addicted to you.

Before we get to it…Let me ask you.

Do you often find yourself confused over the subject of men & often wonder…

•Do you feel that you never find decent men & always have to settle for average ones? In fact! You believe that decent guys don’t exist anymore?

•Do you often wonder why men always lose interest in you after the first few dates…Yet you don’t know what to do about it?

•Do you ask yourself why your boyfriend/husband is avoiding you & feel that maybe they are losing interest in you with time? And you can’t figure out what you might have done which is causing this?

 •Do you feel like all men are almost the same to the extent where it really annoys you?

 •Have you ever been in a relationship where your man was just too scared to commit and you didn’t know how to make him commit?

 •Do you fear that your man might end up with someone else…Or worse, cheat on you? If you find any of these situations familiar then I would say sit tight & carefully read this page. In fact, Let me make you a promise…Read this page word by word and it will be impossible for you to look at men & relationships in the same way again.

Here is the big news…

You aren’t the only woman facing these issues. Lot’s of other women get these kinds of questions when dealing with men and relationships. There are thousands of women who are silently crying out because they just can’t figure men out. They find themselves confused & frustrated over things men say and do. Let me be brutally honest here…The major reason why women constantly face these issues is because they don’t understand the core male psychology…In other words – They do not understand why men do what they do. Did you know that you already have everything it takes to make a man literally feel addicted to you? Yup! That’s right… You already have everything it takes to make him feel constant love for you and get him to do almost anything you want him even if you currently believe it’s utterly impossible. I will show you how to get endless love, admiration, respect & attention you truly deserve from a man. I can almost see you shaking your head with disbelief right now…But trust me on this one. What you are about to discover next will dramatically change your dating life, get you married to the man of your dreams even if he is scared to commit or amplify your lovers interest in you if it appears to be completely dead. I can personally guarantee….this will….without a doubt…..be the most important message you’ll ever read! I strongly urge you not to skip any parts of this page and read it to its very last word.

Are You Facing Any Of The Following Situations…

 I would like to ask you a few questions here…See if you relate – Have you ever come across a man who seemed perfect relationship material but after a few dates you could tell that he just didn’t feel the same level of attraction as you felt for him? And you really wanted to take things to the next level…But for some reason…He didn’t show a similar intention and you didn’t know what to do about it? Or Do you often struggle to keep a man’s interest for long? Have you ever slept with a guy too soon only to realize that he has almost disappeared from your life for no apparent reason? And does it happen a lot even when you know it shouldn’t be happening? Or Are you in a relationship where you just don’t know how to get him to commit further & take it to the next level? And you always ask yourself- “Why isn’t MY RELATIONSHIP moving forward? Every time you try to bring up this subject he always avoids the topic and acts overly distant & withdrawn to the point where you fear he might leave you? And finally… Are you in a relationship or married to a man who is sort of pulling away and losing interest in you…Or has already broken up & you want to get him back? Are you feeling absolutely helpless and frustrated because you want to make him understand how much you want to be with him but for some reason he doesn’t see that?

 It doesn’t matter…

If you find it hard to keep a man interested after the first few dates or want him to pop the question & marry you or are just having trouble in your marriage & want him to feel the same level of attraction for you as he did in the past. I am going to show you exactly how to keep your man close to you and inspire that side inside him which will keep him utterly convinced that you are the only woman for him. The method I am about to reveal isn’t based on bookish theory or guesswork. Its real world field-tested techniques which are proven to work every single time. Just keep reading…

The Real Truth Behind –

 Why So Many Women Find It Difficult To Understand Men…

 To answer this in a single sentence I would say – “Men just aren’t easy to figure out for most women”. In fact! Majority of women have absolutely no idea what goes on in a man’s mind. I am sure that in case you are going through any of the above-mentioned situations…Then you are definitely struggling to understand men. But hey…I am not blaming you for it. We don’t come to this world with an instruction manual as to how to manage this stuff…We aren’t taught relationships in school or college. This is primarily the major reason why so many women struggle in this area of life. Therefore, it isn’t really your fault.

But Here is The Worst Part…

“Most women go all over the place seeking advice & often end up in a worse situation (In fact! This is the main thing which could ruin your chances with a man without you even knowing it…)” If you are like most women…I am sure you discuss your relationship issues with your friends and ask them for relationship advice or worse you follow the advice on one of those popular woman’s Tv shows. Let me be direct here! Your friends aren’t going through what you are going through…So asking them for advice can harm you big time. And even worse is following the advice on those popular woman’s tv shows.

Let me assure you that those shows are made by women…For women…And are purely based on assumptions about men…NOT FACTS! Let me repeat…They are based on assumptions…Not FACTS! Ever heard advice like… In order to entice a man you must…Be nice to him…Dress sexy…Give him what he wants etc etc? Well if this was true…Then millions of women out there will have no trouble getting what they expect out of their man and will never have any relationship trouble. But both you and I know that it’s not true. If it was…You won’t be here reading this page right now.

 Seriously…Don’t get me wrong here! The advice you are getting from these sources might only make your situation worse. And Here Is The Strange Thing…

 It’s funny to see how women actually freak out the moment a man doesn’t follow his usual routine…For example – Have you ever seen a woman get extremely stressed because her man didn’t call her for 2 days when he usually used to call daily? And she assumed he has lost interest in her… When in reality the man lost his cell phone & was stressed over it? Or Have you ever come across a wife who thought her husband was cheating on her only because he was acting a bit distant & not being his usual self? When in reality he was worried over a work project deadline & was extremely stressed due to which he was acting this way?

 I can give you hundreds of everyday examples like this…But I think you get my point. What you may assume about a man may be completely opposite to the reality of the situation. And this just goes to show you how confused some women really are over the subject of men.

 Why Men “AVOID” Certain Women And “CHASE” The Rest…

 Have you ever wondered why men run after certain women and avoid the rest? Why some women have no trouble attracting and keeping any guy they please while others try extremely hard yet always struggle? Why is it that some women can easily get their man to commit while others are scared of even talking about commitment? Why is it that some women know how to get what they truly want from their man while others always complain about how their partner doesn’t understand their needs? Now you might say…That they’re just lucky…But that’s not true. These women understand something about men which majority of women out there have no idea about. Do you know that every man has a collection of attraction switches…And the moment you trigger these switches you can literally make him dance to your tunes? Once you understand how to use these triggers…You can have his undying love and devotion for the rest of your life. This powerful ability will cause men to be super interested in you even if you aren’t most beautiful or smartest woman out there.

How Do I Know All This…And Why Should You Listen To Me?

 You must be thinking…Who the heck is this guy making all these big claims? I guess we haven’t had our official introduction yet so here goes… My name is  Peter tembo…And I am what most would call a  the young young Pastor. I have helped people  from all walks of life with the help  of God calling.

 I am sure you might be wondering…How do I know all this? Well because I am a guy & I have been through all the situations a woman would normally go through. Sounds funny huh? I know I know! But wait…I haven’t told you the whole story yet! I have been through all these relationship situations but from the other side. Which means the male side…It’s a bit embarrassing but I must admit! I’ve been the guy who got scared, got distant the moment his girl asked him to commit. I’ve been the guy who has used all the lame excuses to get rid of a girl. I am the guy what most women define as “THE ULTIMATE JERK”. Ok enough! I think you get my point here. But let me share a secret which might be a bit hard to believe-

 Men don’t do this on purpose…In fact! Most men don’t even know that what they’re doing can hurt women so much. And here is another secret – Do you know the lamest excuse men use when they aren’t sure about a woman? It’s something like- “I am not ready for a serious relationship right now…” Well guess what? When men tell women they aren’t ready for a relationship…They’re lying. The truth is that they aren’t ready for a relationship with that “PARTICULAR WOMAN”. This is the reason why there are so many men who would say they just aren’t ready for a relationship to a certain woman and end up marrying another woman within a month. Sounds weird right?

 You might think some men are just screwed up…Even crazy. But it’s very logical…Let me tell you why. Men say no when they don’t really feel that deep inner emotional urge to be with a woman. In other words…When there isn’t enough attraction he will always pull away sooner or later. So is there something you can do to change his mind? The answer is absolutely YES. Do you know that it’s very simple to give a man that inner gut feeling which tells him that you are the only one for him? Keep reading & I will show step-by-step…How it’s done… A Harsh Fact… The harsh fact is that 95% of the women out there will never have the kind of success they desire with men. Let’s face it! Most women are clueless when it comes to men. They rely on luck because they don’t know what to do. And even worse they make no real effort to work on this area of their life. They sort of sit back and take what they get. They live in the false idea that some day they’re going to magically find the man of their dreams and life will be smooth. But it doesn’t work this way. Nothing would work out by itself…Success with men boils down to having the skills on what actions to take. And unless you have those skills you will always struggle.

 How To Become That One-In-A-Million Woman A Man Would Do Anything To Be With…

 After years of research and studying successful couples…I started to realize that women who were successful with men…Weren’t just plain lucky or doing it by accident. In fact! They were doing certain things over and over. And these were the things which were getting these men to feel strong attraction for them. The more I saw this the more I began to think that I had stumbled upon something big. But here is the tricky part…None of this was actually obvious or common sense. In fact! Most women aren’t even aware of this. And the interesting fact was – What most women believe would make a man attracted to them actually pushes him away. So in other words most women are jumping a ladder which is leaning against the wrong wall. What they believe will make the man want them actually ends up making him avoid them. This was like one of those real “aha” moments…I had finally discovered the key to the lock. I figured that any woman who understands these secrets has no trouble…

•Making men hopelessly fall in love with her. •Making any man do almost anything to please her.

 •Getting what they want from a man without even trying.

 •Making a man want to spend his whole life with her. On the other hand…Women who don’t understand this often… •Think all men are jerks.

 •Find men become distant & withdrawn with time.

•Always end up in a situation where their partner takes them for granted & they don’t get the respect they deserve. •Always find themselves in the company of the wrong kind of a man who treats them like crap.

 •Always struggle to make the man commit.

So are you ready to learn & make the man of your dreams fall hopelessly in love with you? Just keep reading… This Stuff Works Amazingly Well… I have the ultimate secrets to making any woman land the guy of her dreams and keep him for good. Since I cannot help you face-to-face…I’ve done the next best thing. I have put my magic secrets into an easy to follow step-by-step manual. Every aspect from getting a man to feel endless attraction for you…To getting him to commit even if he is reluctant to do so has been covered with great detail. These secrets are so important that, if ignored, will shatter your chances of ever getting good with men. Trust me! This is one chance you can’t afford to miss…These are the secrets which are not taught in any class, discussed in any book or shared anywhere else. It’s an absolute must know for you…Period. So are you ready?

 Here’s Some Solid Proof That My Stuff Works…Pay Close Attention Here… Let me show you a small sample of how powerful this stuff can be…I guarantee that what you are about do discover now is about to change everything you have ever heard, seen or tried. I am going to share one of my rare techniques any woman can use to get her man to return her phone calls in case he is giving her the silent treatment or is acting distant for no reason. Before I tell you how this works…Let me first illustrate how most women actually do it…And how it hurts their chances…

The approach most women take actually makes the man get even more distant…For example…here are the kind of messages women leave when their man isn’t returning their phone call…

 “Please call me…This is really freaking me out…Why are you avoiding me like this? What have I done?” Or “Matt please call me back…This is the 5th time I am calling you. Please…I really have to talk to you…Will be waiting for your call. Bye.”

And the worst of it all…

 “Matt…This is an emergency…Please call me as soon as you get this.” Do you know that as humans we always want more of everything we can’t easily have? So in other words…We pursue what retreats from us. And we often don’t really put much value on things which are easy to get? Therefore so far you have been too easy for him…Due to which he is taking you for granted & isn’t answering your calls. What I am about to show you next…Will not only triple his interest levels in you but will also make him chase you around like crazy. Ready? This is the message I want you to leave on his answering machine – “Dammit you have your answering machine on? This was important…Anyway listen up! This really interesting thing happened today…I am bursting with excitement…I was going up to…” And then hang up! By hanging up and leaving the message in between you have created this strange sort of tension which will push the man to call you back right away…This is what he would think – What interesting thing is she talking about? And what is she so excited over? I really should have taken this call…Why did she hang up all of a sudden? I think I should call her now… The Next Very Important Step – Now you will see magic unfold right in front of your eyes…I want you to listen very closely here…The guy who was trying to avoid you all this time will be literally begging to have your attention. After you have sent the above message your partner will most probably call you back to know what you really had to tell him…And this is where it gets interesting. The moment he calls and asks you about it…Say – Hey! I am sorry…I am in a bit of a hurry right now. Got to go…Will call you later. Bye. Then hang up. And do not call him for the next few days…And even if he calls…Avoid his calls or keep it really short by letting him know that you are super busy and won’t be able to talk. Now do you know what you have done? Well…surprise surprise! Before your man was avoiding your calls and wasn’t even interested in talking…But now you have triggered his emotions to such an extent that he would be almost driven nuts about you. He would find it hard to relax over the fact that you had to tell him something but never did. And why would this work? Well humans have a tendency to desire what they can’t have…And that desire turns into a burning obsession with time. I am sure you have heard of the great saying which goes- “Keep them hungry and they will keep coming back”. Therefore, now you have made your man extremely hungry and he will keep coming back for more until you satisfy his hunger. I am sure you are real excited by now…

why dont you give me acomment for the effort done abale inu iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

God is good

How to Keep a Man in Love With You! Here is How to Increase His Desire to Be With You All the Time

Every woman longs for the secret of keeping their man in love with them forever. Once we are sure that the man in our life is the one and only Mr. Right we are willing to do anything to ensure that we keep his love strong and forever. Unfortunately too many relationships fizzle out because of the mistakes women make. Read the following and learn how to keep your man forever.

Recognize your abilities
Don’t let fear, worry and doubt rob you of your happiness. Be confident of your abilities and your qualities. Don’t forget that he has fallen in love with you because of them. Show him that you are worth his love and devotion and he will never leave your side.

Be full of surprises
If you are boring and predictable he could lose interest. Instead be spontaneous and keep him guessing. This way you can be sure that he will stay captivated with you and will want to spend more time with you.

Become his cheerleader
Support your man and show him that you are always there for him. This means that you should never take him for granted. Be his fan and praise him for his efforts. Take great interest in his hobbies and passions and he will appreciate it.

Show him that you need him
Men like knowing that they are needed. This does not mean that you have to be too clingy and over possessive. Let him know that you value his ideas, views and his presence. Appreciate his efforts and the things he does for you and he will love you more.

Prove your fidelity
No man likes knowing that his wife is a cheat. Besides, if he feels that he has to spy on you because he can’t trust you around another man – the relationship is doomed. If you really love him, show him that you have eyes only for him and prove that you are faithful. He will never feel the need to stray.

Be intimate with him
Deepen the intimacy between you and your man and you automatically have a strong and solid foundation for a long term relationship. Do little things for him and say stuff that will draw him towards you. Don’t let things slide between you and be as loving and understanding as you were with him in the beginning.

Satisfy him sexually
Just because you two have been together for some time now, does not mean that you let sex become a “matter of fact” thing. This is one area that is important and as long as you keep your man sexually satisfied he will never look at another woman. Wear sexy lingerie and look beautiful for him and you will never be sorry! but hey if you are married not when you are single other wise you are in danger  for more.

Do all this with God aside of you and you will see things working for you always and you never regret in your life.The heart  of that woman who get what she want is the herat that pleases the very heart of her own.

bless you

The Difference between Evil and Sin

Think of this first before you diggest the whole thing:

Should we blame Pharaoh in his stubborness,yet God was at the centre of  the plan for Moses to take the children of Israel out of Egypt. This is obvious  that preachers and ministers present these issues in the church and to the members. anything we might say to people we are countable to there roots in the faith and we play part to the development of thier growth in the kingdom ( family of God) of God. the Bible say that if you know the truth, it shall set you free. if we can know something then it exist,but anything we dont know then its does not exist.where ther is knowledge there is power.                                      

“All is of God” according to Romans 11:36, but when it comes to Satan and sin, that basic truth of divine revelation is so severe a strain on Christendom that men instinctively reject it.  They excuse their lack of faith on the ground that it is repulsive to their spiritual natures to associate God with “evil.”  They set aside the truth of the Bible, that “ALL us if God,” by making the devil the source of all evil, yet they fail to tell us how the enemy could originate evil unless the power were given him by his Creator.  The text says:

For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are ALL things: to whom be glory forever, Amen.”  Romans 11:36

The reason most shrink from associating evil with God is because of their conception of evil and sin, even though God’s plain statements concerning them are clear.  But most modify God’s Word to suit their misconception and to suit their own preconceived theological beliefs.  That is why further study is so important.

God’s Word contains many passages that reveal the great truth that ALL things – the evil as well as the good – come from God, who alone can originate.  Paul tells us that the Creation was not subject to vanity (futility – sin) willingly (voluntarily).  It has no will or choice in the matter.  God is subjecting the Creation against its will!

“For the Creation (“creature” is an incorrect translation here) was made subject to vanity (futility – sin), not willingly (voluntarily), but by reason of Him who has subjected it in hope (literally – expectation). 

“Because the (entire) Creation itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption (sin) into the glorious liberty of the children of God.”  Romans 8:20,21

This text tells us that God has subjected His entire Creation to sin, against our will (we did not ask for this), in order to bring about an expected outcome – which is the delivering of the entire Creation, including ALL humanity and ALL of nature, from the bondage of sin into the glorious liberty (salvation) of the children of God.

God says,

“Behold, I make ALL new.”  (Revelation 21:5)

This subjection is only temporary.  It is in the expectation that our afflictions will lead to an overwhelming glory for which these sufferings are essential.  Creation is enslaved by corruption with a view to a future liberty that can be enjoyed only by one who has tested its opposite.

Before sin entered their life, we have no record that Adam and Eve ever thanked God for the beautiful Garden in which they lived.  How could they?  They didn’t know anything else.

They didn’t thank God for their health.  How could they?  They didn’t even know what sickness was.

They didn’t thank God that nothing in the Garden of Eden died.  How could they?  They had never seen anything die.  They didn’t even know there could be such a thing as “death.”

They didn’t thank God for being allowed to walk and talk with Him every day.  How could they?  They didn’t know anything else.

It is impossible to appreciate our life, our health, beauty around us, or being one with God, unless we have known what it is to be without them.

It is impossible to know good without knowing evil.  That is why the tree in the middle of the Garden of Eden was not the Tree of Evil – but the Tree of Good and Evil. 

The big problem is that most people fail to distinguish between evil and sin.  Yet God Himself, tells us that He is the “Creator of evil.”

I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these [things].  Isaiah 45:7

But that does not mean that we teach that God is a sinner.  After all, this is the Word of God, Himself. 

In the language of the original Greek and Hebrew Biblical revelation, evil and sin are clearly distinguished by terms that are not in any way related to each other.

The word evil means calamity. A specific calamity may or may not be a sin, as will be illustrated below.

With very few exceptions, the Hebrew stem ro underlies the English rendering evil (see Job 24:21, Psalms 41:8, Psalms 140:11, Proverbs 12:21).  This word is rendered in many different ways, including break, displease, ill, effect, harm, hurt, mischief, punish, vex and wicked.  To these uses in adjective from are added these interpretations: adversity, calamity, distress, grief wretchedness, wrong, trouble, sorry, etc.  But this wide diversity of translation does not help us to form a correct or concise conception of the real meaning of the word.

It will help if we look at Psalms 2:9 or Daniel 2:40 where this word is translated break.  The word is equivalent to the present English word “smash.”  In Daniel it is used to mean break in pieces or to pulverize.  In its literal root meaning it describes the effect of iron, the hardest of the common metals, when used to smash and destroy.

In these renderings, the Hebrew word ro, translated evil, has no moral bias such as we usually associate with it.  In the following passage quoted, the evil is done by the hands of the Son of God.

“He shall deal out evil to the nations with a rod of iron when He comes again.”  Psalms 2:9

This same adjective is used to describe the ill-favored cattle (kine) of Pharaoh’s dream in Genesis 41:3-27:

“And behold seven other kine (cows) came up after them out of the river, ill-favored (evil) and lean-fleshed; and stood by the other kine upon the bank of the river.”  Genesis 41:3

Because theologians firmly associate sin and immorality with evil, they try to shield God from all association with it (evil).  A common translation correctly states that:

“An evil spirit from God” troubled Saul.  1 Samuel 16:14

The evil spirit was not an emissary from Satan – but from God!  The translators have tried to hide this at times, as when speaking of the waters of Jericho they say, “The water is naught.”  Actually, the original says:

“The water was evil.”  2 Kings 2:19

The neutral character of evil is evident when both sin and evil are used together.

Zimri “sinned in doing evil.”  (1 Kings 16:19).  From this we may freely infer that evil is not necessarily sin.

The word evil has no “moral” bias.  An act of evil may or may not be wrong.  Jeremiah 42:6 says,

“Whether it be good or whether it be evil, we will obey the voice of Jehovah our God.”

Moral evil is sin, and God does not demand that His people sin.

Calamity usually leads the list of evils that have nothing to do with morality or immorality.

Evil, as spoken of in the Scriptures, is an act that smashes and demolishes and brings with it a train of trouble and distress, but it is neither right nor wrong in itself.

An earthquake is evil because it is a calamity, but it has no moral bias.  However, if you purposely blow up your neighbor’s house, that is a calamity that most certainly has to do with morality (or more accurately – immorality).  That calamity is evil AND it is a sin!

The Source of Sin

The traditional mistranslation “Sin is the transgression of the law” is clearly misleading, for sin was in the world long before the giving of the law (Romans 5:12-14).  A more accurate translation is:

“Sin is lawlessness.”  1 John 3:4

Failure to conform to God’s standard is sin.

In the war between the tribe of Benjamin and Israel, the tribe of Benjamin gathered 700 chosen men.  Every one of these men could sling a stone at a hairbreadth and not “sin.”

“Among all this people there were seven hundred chosen men left-handed: every one could sling stones at an hair breadth, and not miss.”  Judges 20:16

The King James Version says they could not miss, which is quite correct.  The same Hebrew word is translated sin in hundreds of other passages!

Sin and miss are identical in meaning.  In Romans 3:23 Paul says,

“All have sinned and are wanting of (or deficient in – or fall short of) the Glory of God.”

This means that we have failed to reach the divine standard.  When God charges all with sin, He does not mean that all are guilty of heinous offenses, but that all are mistaken, all have missed the mark, all fall short of God’s ideal.  Even their best efforts – their “good” deeds – are performed in error.  A sinner doesn’t need to do anything that man may condemn in order to deserve his name of “sinner.”  He only needs to fail to fully realize God’s high standard of holiness and glory.

The important question is this:  Since all things are of God, yet God cannot sin, how did sin originate?  From where did it come and how?

Virtually all so-called “solutions” trace sin up a blind alley and stop short of God.  But these “solutions” are neither scriptural nor satisfactory.  It is true that sin came into this world through Adam and Eve, but we cannot stop there.  Sin did not originate in Adam or Eve.  The serpent was in the Garden of Eden before Adam sinned.  The serpent, Satan, was already a sinner.

Nor is it enough to go beyond Adam and say “sin is of the devil,” or Adversary, because the Adversary, like Adam, is a creature – a created being – and as such, originated nothing.

The Bible tells us in 1 John 3:8 that

“The Adversary (Satan) was a sinner from the beginning!”

From the beginning of what?  From the beginning of this world?  No.  Satan was sinning long before he was found in the Garden of Eden.  He was a sinner in heaven, and so effective that he (Satan) convinced one-third of God’s angels that Satan was right and God was wrong.

From the beginning of what?  The answer is:  “From the beginning of him (Satan)!”  Satan was created by God AS the Adversary to do the job he is doing – tempting the whole world.  The name “Satan” means Adversary.

If we allow that God created Satan (as such), the crucial question arises, Did God SIN in creating the Adversary?  The answer will depend entirely upon the object God had in view.  Was it God’s intention that sin should invade the universe or was it due to an error on God’s part?  Remembering our definition of sin, if sin’s entrance into the universe was a mistake, then God sinned!

If God created Satan perfect – as “Lucifer” – and his defection was a surprise and a disappointment to God, then there is no use in hiding behind mere words.  God failed!  He started out to make a flawless creature who turned out bad!  There is NO ONE else to charge with this failure but God.  But this is ALL WRONG – for God NEVER fails, or sins.

Sin has an essential, though transient, part in God’s purpose.  God made preparation for it before it came. 

“The Lamb was slain from the (foundation) disruption of the world.”  (Revelation 13:8)

Return

There can be no Saviour apart from sin.  There can be no reconciliation apart from enmity.

“God locks all up together in stubbornness that He should be merciful to all.”  Romans 11:32

The only way we can experience the perfect peace of Oneness with Christ is to realize our need for Him in our life, to realize our need for Him to run every aspect of our life.  In order to reach this place, we must have trouble – lots of trouble.  If everything in our life is fine, we never change.  “Trouble” forces us to change.

“Since sin must enter this scene and play its part, since it is essential to God’s purpose, and Absolutely under His control, since it will eventually change the universe from cold, independent creatures into a loving family circle, and God from a distant Creator into an affectionate Father, it was by no means a mistake (or sin) on God’s part when He created a creature who should not only commit sin but scatter it throughout all creation.”  Knoch, A.E., The Problem of Evil and the Judgments of God, Concordant Publishing Concern, 1976, p. 22

We have now arrived at the answer.  It was no mistake for God to create Satan, for the Adversary did exactly what God had intended he should do.  And the astonishing conclusion forces itself upon us that the moment we try to shift the ultimate origin of sin to Satan, then we are making God into a SINNER!  For – – if God did not intend that Satan sin, and Satan did it on his own initiative, then God missed the mark!

But God does not fail or sin.  It is only by acknowledging that God created Satan to sin that we can possibly clear God from the stain of sin.  If one believes that sin has broken loose from the control of God, or never was under God’s control, then all we can look forward to is chaos.

We are assured that God is in total control of Satan when we read the first two Chapters of Job.

In Job, Chapter 1, Satan complains to God that Satan is unable to have full access to Job because God “has made a hedge (or protection) around Job.”  Satan asks for it to be removed.  God then allows Satan limited access.

Satan answered the Lord, and said, Does Job fear God for nothing?

Have you not made a hedge of protection about him, and about his house, and about all that he has on every side?  You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land.

But stretch forth Your hand now, and touch all that he has and he will curse You to Your face.

And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, all that he has is in your hand; only upon his person you cannot put forth your hand.  So Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord.  Job 1:9-12

Satan then had the power to harm Job’s family and his possessions, but he could not harm Job, himself.   It is clear that Satan can do nothing unless God allows it.  Satan has no power of his own.

In Job, Chapter 2, Satan again meets with God and, being previously unsuccessful in drawing Job away from God, even after Satan had all of Job’s children killed and all of Job’s possessions stolen, Satan now asks God to remove the hedge of protection around Job himself so Satan can attack Job directly.

Satan answered the Lord, and said, Skin for skin, yea, all that a man has will he give for his life.

But stretch forth your hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse you to your face.

And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold he is in your hand; but save his life. 
Job 2:4-6

Here, again, the Bible reveals that Satan has no power or authority of his own.  He can only attack Job physically now that God has allowed it.  But God limits Satan’s attack by saying, “You cannot take Job’s life.”

Satan is under the total control of God.  He is a created being and can do nothing unless God allows it.

 The true understanding of the entire question of “Who is in charge?” lies in the acceptance of God’s Word that says:

“ALL is OUT of Him and THROUGH Him and FOR Him.” 
(Romans 11:36)

Even though theologians attempt to distance God from being in charge of everything, God states His position boldly.

“I have created the waster (destroyer) TO DESTROY!”  Isaiah 54:16

To waste, or corrupt, is not simply evil (a calamity), it is sin.  God does not claim to DO it, but He does claim to have created the one WHO DOES.  If the destroyer were created by someone else, or if he is “self-existent,” then he would be out from under the control of God and God could not control the evil or harness it for His purpose.

You may ask, “What Scripture do you have for the statement that God created Satan, as such?”  But you may then be asked, “What Scripture do you have that God created YOU?

God’s plain declaration in the Bible is that ALL came into being through the Word, and apart from it NOTHING has come into being.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

The same was in the beginning with God

And ALL things were made by Him; and without Him was not anything made that was made.”  John 1:1-3

 

For by Him were ALL things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or dominions, or rulers, or authorities, all things were created by Him and for Him.  Colossians 1:16

Satan is specifically included as the chief of the aerial “authority.”

“Wherein in time past you walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now works in the children of disobedience.  Ephesians 2:2

At present, the evil in the world is in accord with the Scriptures, and an essential ingredient in God’s plan.  It is the only way to the highest blessing for ourselves and for the human race as well as for all creation.  Evil is necessary as a background for the display of God’s grandest glories because stars only show brightly on a backdrop of darkness.  Our understanding of that necessity will prepare us to endure with thankful hearts all our present trials and tragedies that He sends to us.

The only way mankind can realize what God is to them is by an actual experience of what it means to be without Him.

 

Lessons from Job about Evil and Sin

 

When we are passing through difficult times and all seems contrary to us, we must remember that all around the world, the unseen hand of God is operating, in accord with a law that is above our understanding.

Job’s Faith

“Job was sifted, as was Peter, and his faith held.  In spite of his recriminations he looked beyond the immediate, regarding his affliction as of God.  And this is the strong note of the narrative.  The origin and purpose of evil is OF and WITH God.  There is a meaning in its existence beyond human knowledge.

“Men do evil, but apparently no good comes of it.  But when God employs it, it is ONLY and essentially for good.  The ordering and the end are His own.

“Satan is just an instrument, powerful as may be his office.  Men, too, are unconscious agents of God’s supreme will.  Through it all, however, the Lord’s consummation is sure. 

“The infliction of evil is for our learning, and thereby, we are shown, as was Job, the nearness of God.”  Mealand, Wm., Lessons from Job; Unsearchable Riches, Nov 1998, pg 267

God’s Use of the Counterworker

“The object of the book of Job is to set out, once and for all, that God uses one who works contrary to Himself, and through this method God reveals Himself to His creatures to a fuller degree than is possible otherwise.  The adversary, as a counterworker, is in this way lifted out of an obscure position that lacks either reason or value, and is shown as a factor NEEDED in the ways of God.

Thus the Adversary fills that part for which he was intended.  And the result is that God is able to reveal the glories of His righteousness and His love.  These are glories which show Him to be the Father, the One Who is to be All in all His creation.” Clayton, E.H., Lessons from Job; Unsearchable Riches, Nov 1998, pg 268-269

God’s Underlying Purpose

“The underlying purpose of God in dealing with mankind is brought before us in the book of Job, who lived before the law was given.  According to popular notions prevailing in religious circles today, Job should never have suffered, for he was a just man and feared God, though he obviously was NOT perfect.  (The ONLY “Man” who has ever been Perfect is Jesus Christ!)

“We rarely consider the end result that the Lord has in view.  We imagine that all evil must be related to something bad in the past – instead of something good in the future.  We do not realize that evil is a gift from God, designed to bring us down to our proper place and raise God up to the position His deity demands in the glorious consummation, when He will be All in all.

Trial, testing and tribulation are things God does not need for Himself, since He knows all.

“But His creatures need them, for they are here to learn, like Job, not only what is in themselves, but also what is in God.

“We NEED evil for what we ARE, and SHALL BE, not merely for any wrong that we have done.

“Evil is not essentially a penalty, but a preparation.  It is humbling and revealing and necessary for the appreciation of good and of God.”  Knoch, A.E., God’s Underlying Purpose, Unsearchable Riches, Nov. 1998., pg 269,270. 

How can I lmprove my self-asteem?

 Youcan have a Job but  you are worried of the day you will be sucked off work.You are married yet you are worried of the day you will separate or the time you can hear of you spouse cheating on you.you are at school but spending the whole time worrying of the exams.,nextyear.Most of the time you worry over something you dont have cotrol of and you try to analyse the situation now as if you are already there. Fear if the opposite of faith.

Most pipo are cotroled by these conditions and they allow their present presure to be in jopedy becauase of non exist pictures created my there fear in their skull.Do not worry for tomorrow thus what the bibile say although the absolute plan that you can do today does not over rule the plan of God but it helps you to be focus with hope that there is another coming that will need me to walk and work on it.

Have you ever felt so small over things that you feel, like you cant make it or you are not worthy to do that thing ,hey the bibile says that he did not give US the spirit of fear but of power and sound mind.

Self-Esteem Defined

We all have a mental picture of who we are, how we look, what we’re good at, and what our weaknesses might be. We develop this picture over time, starting when we’re very young kids. The term self-image is used to refer to a person’s mental picture of himself or herself. A lot of our self-image is based on interactions we have with other people and our life experiences. This mental picture (our self-image) contributes to our self-esteem.

Self-esteem is all about how much we feel valued, loved, accepted, and thought well of by others — and how much we value, love, and accept ourselves. People with healthy self-esteem are able to feel good about themselves, appreciate their own worth, and take pride in their abilities, skills, and accomplishments. People with low self-esteem may feel as if no one will like them or accept them or that they can’t do well in anything.

We all experience problems with self-esteem at certain times in our lives — especially during our teens when we’re figuring out who we are and where we fit in the world. The good news is that, because everyone’s self-image changes over time, self-esteem is not fixed for life. So if you feel that your self-esteem isn’t all it could be, you can improve it.

Self-Esteem Problems

Before a person can overcome self-esteem problems and build healthy self-esteem, it helps to know what might cause those problems in the first place. Two things in particular — how others see or treat us and how we see ourselves — can have a big impact on our self-esteem.

Parents, teachers, and other authority figures influence the ideas we develop about ourselves — particularly when we are little kids. If parents spend more time criticizing than praising a child, it can be harder for a kid to develop good self-esteem. Because teens are still forming their own values and beliefs, it’s easy to build self-image around what a parent, coach, or other person says.

Obviously, self-esteem can be damaged when someone whose acceptance is important (like a parent or teacher) constantly puts you down. But criticism doesn’t have to come from other people. Like Steve in the story above, some teens also have an “inner critic,” a voice inside that seems to find fault with everything they do. And, like Steve, people sometimes unintentionally model their inner voice after a critical parent or someone else whose opinion is important to them.

Over time, listening to a negative inner voice can harm a person’s self-esteem just as much as if the criticism were coming from another person. Some people get so used to their inner critic being there that they don’t even notice when they’re putting themselves down.

Unrealistic expectations can also affect a person’s self-esteem. People have an image of who they want to be (or who they think they should be). Everyone’s image of the ideal person is different. For example, some people admire athletic skills and others admire academic abilities. People who see themselves as having the qualities they admire — such as the ability to make friends easily — usually have high self-esteem.

People who don’t see themselves as having the qualities they admire may develop low self-esteem. Unfortunately, people who have low self-esteem often do have the qualities they admire. They just can’t see that they do because their self-image is trained that way.

Why Is Self-Esteem Important?

How we feel about ourselves can influence how we live our lives. People who feel that they are likable and lovable (in other words people with good self-esteem) have better relationships. They’re more likely to ask for help and support from friends and family when they need it. People who believe they can accomplish goals and solve problems are more likely to do well in school. Having good self-esteem allows you to accept yourself and live life to the fullest.

Steps to Improving Self-Esteem

If you want to improve your self-esteem, here are some steps to start empowering yourself:

• Try to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself. If you’re used to focusing on your shortcomings, start thinking about positive aspects of yourself that outweigh them. When you catch yourself being too critical, counter it by saying something positive about yourself. Each day, write down three things about yourself that make you happy.
• Aim for accomplishments rather than perfection. Some people become paralyzed by perfection. Instead of holding yourself back with thoughts like, “I won’t audition for the play until I lose 10 pounds,” think about what you’re good at and what you enjoy, and go for it.
• View mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept that you will make mistakes because everyone does. Mistakes are part of learning. Remind yourself that a person’s talents are constantly developing, and everyone excels at different things — it’s what makes people interesting.
• Try new things. Experiment with different activities that will help you get in touch with your talents. Then take pride in new skills you develop.
• Recognize what you can change and what you can’t. If you realize that you’re unhappy with something about yourself that you can change, then start today. If it’s something you can’t change (like your height), then start to work toward loving yourself the way you are.
• Set goals. Think about what you’d like to accomplish, then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan and keep track of your progress.
• Take pride in your opinions and ideas. Don’t be afraid to voice them.
• Make a contribution. Tutor a classmate who’s having trouble, help clean up your neighborhood, participate in a walkathon for a good cause, or volunteer your time in some other way. Feeling like you’re making a difference and that your help is valued can do wonders to improve self-esteem.
• Exercise! You’ll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier.
• Have fun. Ever found yourself thinking stuff like “I’d have more friends if I were thinner”? Enjoy spending time with the people you care about and doing the things you love. Relax and have a good time — and avoid putting your life on hold.

It’s never too late to build healthy, positive self-esteem. In some cases where the emotional hurt is deep or long lasting, it can take the help of a mental health professional, like a counselor or therapist. These experts can act as a guide, helping people learn to love themselves and realize what’s unique and special about them.

Self-esteem plays a role in almost everything you do. People with high self-esteem do better in school and find it easier to make friends. They tend to have better relationships with peers and adults, feel happier, find it easier to deal with mistakes, disappointments, and failures, and are more likely to stick with something until they succeed. It takes some work to develop good self-esteem, but once you do it’s a skill you’ll have for life.

You can  never go wrong when you know you are right.to be stubbon is to undersatnd who you are talking to and accomodate them yet stay with your integrity.

bless you pipo say something on thihs  then if its true or just say something to acknowledge you visit

bless you

How to deal with Anger and Temper……….

Iam apastor and I have gone through alot of good and hard time as far as ministry work in concerned.Mainly I have realised that preaching behind the pulpit does not make you  apastor or anyname attributed to that call that God pressed on your heart but it is  the humble and gentle heart that you can be to the flocks you are leading.To be understanding and being a listener, to be in each ones shoe.

we are all made in Gods image and as God treat us he does it by individualist approach.So is my duty not to pass  judgement of all to one person but to handle each person as the image of God in all.As much as I respect the concept of  man of God praying for the church ,it is the duty of each individual to stand out in prayer.I want to explore on this topic of anger and temper not in aform of preaching but to train and teach you how you can deal with it.Some one may ask why am I talking about this anger from my own perspective.

There are serveral things thus people really dont understand that whatever we do in life revoives around ,love  and feelings.The two myth  can drive you love and without you knowing who is the driver you find yourself in amess or in abus to your destiny.

The bible say that  be Angery but in you anger dont sin.Anger is afeeling that is stimulated my ertenal presure.

When Tempers Flare

Do you lose your temper and wonder why? Are there days when you feel like you just wake up angry?

Some of it may be the changes your body’s going through: All those hormones you hear so much about can cause mood swings and confused emotions. Some of it may be stress: People who are under a lot of pressure tend to get angry more easily. Part of it may be your personality: You may be someone who feels your emotions intensely or tends to act impulsively or lose control. And part of it may be your role models: Maybe you’ve seen other people in your family blow a fuse when they’re mad.

No matter what pushes your buttons, one thing is certain — you’re sure to get angry sometimes. Everyone does. Anger is a normal emotion, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling mad. What counts is how we handle it (and ourselves) when we’re angry.

Tools to Tame a Temper: Self-Awareness and Self-Control

Because anger can be powerful, managing it is sometimes challenging. It takes plenty of self-awareness and self-control to manage angry feelings. And these skills take time to develop.

Self-awareness is the ability to notice what you’re feeling and thinking, and why. Little kids aren’t very aware of what they feel, they just act it out in their behavior. That’s why you see them having tantrums when they’re mad. But teens have the mental ability to be self-aware. When you get angry, take a moment to notice what you’re feeling and thinking.

Self-control is all about thinking before you act. It puts some precious seconds or minutes between feeling a strong emotion and taking an action you’ll regret.

Together, self-awareness and self-control allow you to have more choice about how to act when you’re feeling an intense emotion like anger

Getting Ready to Make a Change

Deciding to get control of your anger — rather than letting it control you — means taking a good hard look at the ways you’ve been reacting when you get mad. Do you tend to yell and scream or say hurtful, mean, disrespectful things? Do you throw things, kick or punch walls, break stuff? Hit someone, hurt yourself, or push and shove others around?

For most people who have trouble harnessing a hot temper, reacting like this is not what they want. They feel ashamed by their behavior and don’t think it reflects the real them, their best selves.

Everyone can change — but only when they want to. If you want to make a big change in how you’re handling your anger, think about what you’ll gain from that change. More self-respect? More respect from other people? Less time feeling annoyed and frustrated? A more relaxed approach to life? Remembering why you want to make the change can help.

It can also help to remind yourself that making a change takes time, practice, and patience. It won’t happen all at once. Managing anger is about developing new skills and new responses. As with any skill, like playing basketball or learning the piano, it helps to practice over and over again

The Five-Step Approach to Managing Anger

If something happens that makes you feel angry, this approach can help you manage your reaction. It’s called a problem-solving approach because you start with the problem you’re mad about. Then you weigh your choices and decide what you’ll do.

Each step involves asking yourself a couple of questions, then answering them based on your particular situation.

Let’s take this example: There’s a party you’re planning to go to, but your mom just told you to clean your room or stay home. The red-hot anger starts building.

Here’s what to do:

1) Identify the problem (self-awareness). Start by noticing what you’re angry about and why. Put into words what’s making you upset so you can act rather than react.

Ask yourself: What’s got me angry? What am I feeling and why? You can do this either in your mind or out loud, but it needs to be clear and specific. For example: “I’m really angry at Mom because she won’t let me go to the party until I clean my room. It’s not fair!” Your feeling is anger, and you’re feeling angry because you might not get to go to the party.

Notice that this is not the same as saying, “Mom’s so unfair to me.” That statement doesn’t identify the specific problem (that you can’t go to the party until you clean your room) and it doesn’t say how you’re feeling (angry).

2) Think of potential solutions before responding (self-control). This is where you stop for a minute to give yourself time to manage your anger. It’s also where you start thinking of how you might react — but without reacting yet.

Ask yourself: What can I do? Think of at least three things. For example, in this situation you might think:

(a) I could yell at Mom and throw a fit.
(b) I could clean my room and then ask if I could go to the party.
(c) I could sneak out to the party anyway.

3) Consider the consequences of each solution (think it through). This is where you think about what is likely to result from each of the different reactions you came up with.

Ask yourself: What will happen for each one of these options? For example:

(a) Yelling at your mom may get you in worse trouble or even grounded.
(b) Cleaning your room takes work and you may get to the party late (but maybe that adds to your mystique). With this option, you get to go to the party and your room’s clean so you don’t have to worry about it for a while.
(c) Sneaking out may seem like a real option in the heat of anger. But when you really think it through, it’s pretty unlikely you’d get away with being gone for hours with no one noticing. And when you do get caught — look out!

4) Make a decision (pick one of your options). This is where you take action by choosing one of the three things you could do. Look at the list and pick the one that is likely to be most effective.

Ask yourself: What’s my best choice? By the time you’ve thought it through, you’re probably past yelling at your mom, which is a knee-jerk response. You may have also decided that sneaking out is too risky. Neither of these options is likely to get you to the party. So option (b) probably seems like the best choice.

Once you choose your solution, then it’s time to act.

5) Check your progress. After you’ve acted and the situation is over, spend some time thinking about how it went.

Ask yourself: How did I do? Did things work out as I expected? If not, why not? Am I satisfied with the choice I made? Taking some time to reflect on how things worked out after it’s all over is a very important step. It helps you learn about yourself and it allows you to test which problem-solving approaches work best in different situations.

Give yourself a pat on the back if the solution you chose worked out well. If it didn’t, go back through the five steps and see if you can figure out why.

These five steps are pretty simple when you’re calm, but are much tougher to work through when you’re angry or sad (kind of like in basketball practice when making baskets is much easier than in a real game when the pressure is on!). So it helps to practice over and over again.

Other Ways to Manage Anger

The five-step approach is good when you’re in a particular situation that’s got you mad and you need to decide what action to take. But other things can help you manage anger too. 

Try these things even if you’re not mad right now to help prevent angry feelings from building up inside. 

• Exercise. Go for a walk/run, work out, or go play a sport. Lots of research has shown that exercise is a great way to improve your mood and decrease negative feelings.

• Listen to music (with your headphones on). Music has also been shown to change a person’s mood pretty quickly. And if you dance, then you’re exercising and it’s a two-for-one.
• Write down your thoughts and emotions. You can write things in lots of ways; for example, in a journal or as your own poetry or song lyrics. After you’ve written it down, you can keep it or throw it away — it doesn’t matter. The important thing is, writing down your thoughts and feelings can improve how you feel. When you notice, label, and release feelings as they show up in smaller portions, they don’t have a chance to build up inside.
• Draw. Scribbling, doodling, or sketching your thoughts or feelings might help too.
• Meditate or practice deep breathing. This one works best if you do it regularly, as it’s more of an overall stress management technique that can help you use self-control when you’re mad. If you do this regularly, you’ll find that anger is less likely to build up.

• Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Lots of times there are other emotions, such as fear or sadness, beneath anger. Talking about them can help.
• Distract yourself. If you find yourself stewing about something and just can’t seem to let go, it can help to do something that will get your mind past what’s bugging you — watch TV, read, or go to the movies.

These ideas can be helpful for two reasons:

1. They help you cool down when you feel like your anger might explode. When you need to cool down, do one or more of the activities in the list above. Think of these as alternatives to taking an action you’ll regret, such as yelling at someone. Some of them, like writing down feelings, can help you release tension and begin the thinking process at the same time.
2. They help you manage anger in general. What if there’s no immediate problem to solve — you simply need to shift into a better mood? Sometimes when you’re angry, you just need to stop dwelling on how mad you are.

 

When to Ask for Extra Help

Sometimes anger is a sign that more is going on. People who have frequent trouble with anger, who get in fights or arguments, who get punished, who have life situations that give them reason to often be angry may need special help to get a problem with anger under control.

Tell your parents, a teacher, a counselor, or another adult you trust if any of these things have been happening:

• You have a lasting feeling of anger over things that have either happened to you in the past or are going on now.
• You feel irritable, grumpy, or in a bad mood more often than not.
• You feel consistent anger or rage at yourself.
• You feel anger that lasts for days or makes you want to hurt yourself or someone else.
• You’re often getting into fights or arguments.

These could be signs of depression or something else — and you shouldn’t have to handle that alone.

Anger is a strong emotion. It can feel overwhelming at times. Learning how to deal with strong emotions — without losing control — is part of becoming more mature. It takes a little effort, a little practice, and a little patience, but you can get there if you want to

hope this has been ablessing to you and that you see yourself achanged man or woman that you wont have those had time again right?why dont you say something  for me to know that you are blessed then………..

Recognizing the Signs of True Love

Love. Amour. Amore. In popular fiction, the signs of true love tend toward the melodramatic: heart palpitations, loss of sleep, loss of appetite, blowing curtains, fireworks. If you feel these things, however, you’re not so much in love as in lust. So lust aside, here’s a sampling of the undeniable signs of true love — and good (emotional) health.

You’re willing to explain why you don’t want to date others
With all the nasty little diseases around, the idea of sleeping around is a lot less attractive than it used to be. The issue isn’t a willingness to be exclusive. It’s a willingness to talk about and explain being exclusive. A surprisingly large number of men and women are surreptitiously monogamous, feeling that their willingness to forgo all others gives power to the partner. But when you’re willing to admit that you’re willing to share the power and admit your vulnerability (I really like you and hope you like me as much), not only are you in love, but you sound like a rational, fairly adult soul in the bargain.

You’re willing to ditch the little black book
“I’ve burned my little black book!” This is a statement of not only exclusivity but plans for exclusivity, essentially saying that no one of your acquaintance holds a candle to your beloved. Your willingness to get rid of the book gives proof of that reality. Getting rid of the black book also says that you’re unwilling to revisit past loves and that, in this relationship, there is no going back; you can only go forward.

No fair throwing the book into the fire but keeping the database on your trusty laptop.

A commitment is a commitment, and this is as much about self as other. If you pretend to throw away your black book, then you’re also pretending that you’re committed. Grow up: If you’re old enough to be taken seriously by someone you like, you’re old enough to take yourself seriously. Committed adult relationships don’t have room for manipulative games.

You’re willing to go somewhere you hate
The willingness to go someplace you actually hate with someone you actually love — and not be a pain in the neck about it — is one of the hallmarks of love.

When you first start to date, you’re tempted to do whatever it takes to get the date off the ground because you’re blinded by the possibilities. During the next phase of dating, you stand up for yourself and don’t do the activity you hate. This is a necessary evolution because if there is to be true love, it has to be based on who you are, not who you think your beginning-to-be-significant other will like. But once you actually get to love, your need to constantly assert yourself is softened by your beloved’s influence and the sense that you can give because your love will reciprocate your generosity.

You don’t need to keep track on a day-to-day basis to make sure everything is 50-50. But the sense that there is fairness and equality and appreciation and respect means that your reluctance to do something you’re not crazy about gets overwhelmed by your desire to do something with the person you love. In other words, the person becomes more important than the event.

You’re willing to save if you’re a spend-thrift and spend if you’re frugal
The point isn’t really about money at all, but a willingness to examine fundamental beliefs as a direct result of valuing another person and his or her perspective and opinion. (Yeah, the same phenomenon can happen with friends, but because friends generally tolerate and celebrate differences, there’s less motive or incentive for change.)

Any good relationship changes us.

If being around your beloved makes you examine or change some fundamental part of yourself, it may not be love in and of itself, but it does indicate respect, a willingness to learn from another, and a relationship in which you feel safe enough to try something foreign and scary.

Forget about flattery or hypocrisy. Rather, you have the courage, strength, and energy to examine and experiment with a fundamental belief system, be it religion, politics, gun control, abortion, Chinese food, travel, having children, gardening, money, or any other position you used to consider inviolate. (Money? you say. Yep. It’s hard to think of any one commodity that is more basic than money. If you think money is just green stuff that just sits there, you’re wrong; it can represent power, lifestyle, control, options, freedom, interaction, and a whole lot more.)

The idea of doing nothing together sounds terrific
In the early stages of dating, there is a hunger to discover who the other person is, but this time also feels scary because he or she may not be what you thought or — even worse — you may not be what they’re looking for. Even though the stakes aren’t very high at the beginning, we feel that they are, so we play at dating, and one of the easiest ways to play is to do something at all times — either publicly or privately. The dating ritual is about finding places to go and things to do. Once a couple is sexual, the thing to do is sexual, and everything else seems just a holding action until the couple can hit the sheets. Then when the initial flurry of sexual activity is over, there is a tendency to want to show each other off because you’re feeling connected and proud.

When the idea of doing nothing together is the coolest thing either of you can come up with, you’re very likely in love, because you’ve gone through the other stages of terror, sex, and showing off. Now, the relationship is just about the two of you, not to the exclusion of everyone or anything else. In fact, your “normal” life has expanded to include each other, but the idea of simply being together is the most wonderful thing either of you can figure out to do — even out of bed.

You’re willing to risk being yourself
Being yourself is really the big enchilada. Everything else on the How-You-Know-You’re-in-Love list hints at being yourself, but when you truly love someone, you want them to know who you are and love you for all that you are, not just for who you pretend to be. When you’re in a truly loving relationship, you can be honest and direct and take chances.

The tricky part of being in love is that it can encourage you to be yourself but ups the ante that you might make someone whom you really want to stay change their mind and leave if you show the real you. You want your beloved to be happy now and forever, and the only way to do that is to be who you really are. It’s almost impossible to sustain an illusion over time, and because you are now truly in love, you wouldn’t want to hurt your beloved by living a lie. But you also need to be a bit careful of what you confess. Remember that between honesty and duplicity is silence. If you’re old enough to be in love, you’re old enough to understand the occasional use of silence.

ARE YOU IN LOVE?

Usually if you ask yourself “am I in love?’ it means you’re not, because when you’re fallen in love you already have no questions, this feeling is to obvious to leave any doubts. So it’s more reasonable to count the consequences of it than to look for the signs.

You can’t stop thinking of your object, he/she stays on your mind when you’re working, spending time with friends, jogging in the morning or relaxing in evening. The vision of your object is haunting your mind like a ghost and it never works when you tell yourself not to think of him or her. You remember all the time spent together, every single word, gesture and look.

Lovesickness can be compered with feather: you’re either flying high, all filled with enthusiasm and energy, that when people around start to wonder if you’re in love or you’re deeply depressed, indifferent, nervous, don’t see in life any bright sides. No third variant is possible. You sleep as a baby or suffer from insomnia. You shine and think you’re the best or feel miserable and unattractive. You are afraid to leave phone for a moment because you sure that’ll be the moment he or she will be calling.

Nothing makes a person happier when he/she realises that the feeling is mutual. People in love look better, feel better and attract more attention from the people of the other sex than they are in their normal state. When you are in love single look of your object, anything that gives you the slightest hope – and you’re already somewhere above sky.

Falling in love without reciprocity seems to be a tragedy and the end of the world. Of cause it’s not and it will pass but try to tell the one who is so unfortunately in love! Gloomy face, giving up all the everyday duties or on the opposite trying to get rid of the feeling in energetic activity – these are the signs of person in love either. Some people just can’t deal with the intense of emotions. People with unbalanced psychics can even have some suicidal ideas. But this cases are rare.

Falling in love makes you a dreamer. You see you both on the first date, long before it takes place, imagine the time you will spend together, some women start dreaming of a house and kids.

You are ready to work on yourself because your object is worth only the best. You may start a diet or go to a fitness club. Women buy tonnes of cosmetics, fill the wardrobe with new clothes. But when you’re sure that your object won’t be there you may start being rather negligent to your appearance because you’re simply not interested in anyone’s else attention.

You may start to annoy your friends with endless talks about what he ore she’s done or said. And you may notice that people around are looking at you with some mix of envy and compassion. A person in love always looks a little bit crazy and different to the others and we usually think that he/she’s totally mindless but “look at him/he” – he/she’s so very happy. When you’re in love your own problems don’t matter a thing, you don’t even notice them, but the one sad sigh of the object and the word starts ruining for you.

Falling in love is based on some chemical processes (not only on them of course), but they are the reason for the euphoria, trembling knees, heartbeating, temperature rises, loosing breath and mind at one time. These processes even change the smell of your body. In general they work like come psycho stimulators and you’re willing to see and to hear your object in search of a new portion of that sharp feeling. By the way each time we keep busy doing something we like (hobby or favourite occupation) the similar processes start in motion.

So if you find yourself in love enjoy that felling because pleasure not only makes us happy but gives us that happy look that attracts people and luck.
let God be the centre of all in all things we do,God is love.

LOVE ADDICTION

The Ancient Greeks already described “mania” as one of the forms of love. It’s an obsessive, ecstatic and long-lasting love. It usually exaggerates the meaning and the importance of the feeling. Very often it leads to strong emotional shocks and dramas. It seeks for the total possession and control over partner, although it can be heroic and self-sacrificing. “Mania” stays very strong even when it has no reciprocity, it can be blindly faithful. Nowadays this form of love exists but in has become less dramatic.

Love addiction is when we say I love him/her too much, I can’t let him/her go, it’ when we are ready to suffer, see our love being abused but still ready to forgive everything because of a terrible fear to loose the one we love.

Some people get adducted to love as the other get addicted to drugs or alcohol. It’s when their partner becomes the centre and the meaning of their whole life, when his or life becomes their life and everything they turn to do is to satisfy their partner’s need and to solve his/her problem. Work, friends, hobbies, personal interests – nothing of that matter for a love addicted person more. And in the basics of it all lays not the love but the fear that can take it’s roots in early childhood when a future love addict didn’t get enough love and attention and now he/she’s trying to fill that space being very scared to return to that loneliness of a child.

In this “mania” relationships there’s very often nothing left to call love, these relationships don’t bring comfort, pleasure and support as they’re supposed to do, but only pain and sufferings. And love addicts may even realise it but the don’t have strength to leave. An addicted to love person is ready to do almost everything if it can be necessary or useful to his/her partner. There is nothing too expensive, unpleasant or taking too much time if it make him/her happy.

These love addicts can be very nervous and depressive, also they are willing to gain total control over the partner. The reason is that they aren’t enough self-confidence and those possessive relationship can be an attempt to prove they are worth something.

Most of all love addicts are scared that the relationship will be ruined because it seems that won’t be able to live without their partner so they are ready to bear selfishness, indifference, cruelty, disgrace. More other those possessed with love try to convince themselves that all this “minuses” are temporary and that their partner is just having hard time at the moment, but after it’s over he/she will se everything that has been done for them and will turn to be very thankful.
Love addicts also may think thanks to their childhood that such sick relations with an indifferent partner is the only they are worth. They may ignore all the good people around them that are willing to give their love and attention.

By the way it’s women who suffer from love addiction more than men. Addictive men usually become obsessed with their job or hobby. The worst variant is drugs and alcohol. And the addictive women usually choose such men as a cross to berry.

The only way to get rid of such a love addiction is to fight all the fears and to quit that obsessive and destructive relationships, to prove yourself that you’re worth much more. Relationships are never supposed to be a one-way street, love is giving but normally it gets much in return. The problem is that the love addiction can be a very serious problem repeating from one relationships to the other so that a person isn’t even able to solve it without professional help.